In loving memory of my grandma…

Today marks the day that my grandma died,  just one short year ago.  It is amazing how fast time flies and it is still hard.  I know it will continue to be hard and it is something that never gets easy because I will always miss her no matter what.  I am so thankful however for all the memories I have with her.  I was so blessed and fortunate to have so much time with her.  She was a very special person in my life and a true blessing from God! I wanted to post something a long time ago, but it has just been too hard!

She was diagnosed with liver cancer in May of 2008 and after a surgery was attempted to remove it, she was given a grim prognosis of around 6 months to a year as it had spread too much to be able to remove it all.

She surprised the doctors and lived 2 years after her diagnosis of Terminal Cancer but passed away on April 9 of 2010.

12.1.30 – 04.09.10

I have so many special memories of her that I will always have and although she is not here with us anymore I can reflect on those memories and smile because they remain.  I do not want to say a whole lot, but do want to remember her and honor her.  It seems like not a day goes by that she does not enter my mind… often several times.  Something always triggers a memory or thought of her.  For example, I can be walking down the grocery aisle and see a food she would have always had around… or drive by certain restaurants and know exactly what she would order… (a Crispy Chicken Salad at Red Robin for example)… what she would put in her cart at Costco (Hot Tamales for sure)…or what she would order from the food court (berry smoothie for the road) … or a strawberry shake from “Pilot Butte Drive In”… I could go on and on!

One special memory that I have is when she came over to our house not too long before she passed away and taught me how she made her famous home-made bread!  She did not measure stuff out but went more with what looked or felt… “just right”…. (there is no telling how many loaves of bread she made in her lifetime) but anyways, we went through the entire bread process and sat and talked between each stage about childhood memories, memories of her making bread with her mom and more. It was such a great day. It made me wish that we could have many more days just like that.   She left me her special bread baking items  (her bowl and some pans etc.) but I still wish we were making it together… but each time I make bread I am reminded of her and thank God for how blessed I was to have her in my life and always so close!

Another one… I remember calling her one day to ask if she wanted to go along with mom and I for one of my wedding dress fittings… I was not sure if she would feel up to it because she had not been feeling good, but she lit up and was super excited to go.  That is something I will always look back on because she was not able to be at Greg and I’s wedding… but I know that she was so proud and happy for us and seeing me in my wedding dress really meant a lot to her. Thinking back, I am so glad she came along not knowing she would not be alive to attend the wedding.

Speaking of looking back, I am so glad I was around enough to be able to take her to many of her Chemotherapy treatments and doctors appointments.  We usually had a great time and if she felt up to it would combine it with something fun like strawberry milkshakes or driving around and doing some sightseeing.  There were of course those days where she did not feel as good, but what I really admired is how chipper she always was and just happy to be alive. She loved getting to visit with all the nurses and getting to see her doctor often.  All the nurses knew her by name and really enjoyed having her around.  She would always introduce me and brag a little on me wherever we went, but I always felt like I was the one who should be bragging about her.  I really could go on and on because every story leads to another one… I am sure you know what I mean.  I will wrap up this post although it is hard to wrap something up when it is something that does not end…

something I will always remember and carry with me wherever I go is knowing how special I was to her and how much she loved me.

Here are a few pictures to share taken within the last couple years of her life.

2 thoughts on “In loving memory of my grandma…

  1. I loved this, Beka! I have memories of baking bread with Grandma as well, I’m so glad we have such great memories! And I didn’t know that she’d been able to go to one of your wedding dress fittings, that is SO amazing, I love that she got to see you in your dress even though she wasn’t able to be at the wedding. Love you cousin!

  2. Beka, thank you so much for sharing about your grandmother and my mother. The tears that came to my eyes are good ones. I didn’t know you inherited her bread making things and am glad that you did. Only God knows how many loaves of bread she made in her lifetime. She always kept us well fed! I’m so glad to know some of your precious memories of her. If more come to your mind that you want to share, please do!

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